I Met Our Venerable Treehouse Lord

Pete Nelson. The name alone sends waves into the universe, rippling shudders of admiration and respect. Even typing it just now made me instinctively want to bow. The man is a living, breathing embodiment of joy and reverence. His is an enthusiasm that cannot be matched, which is why, when I was afforded the opportunity to visit the kingdom of our Venerable Treehouse Lord, I was overcome with humility and excitement.

His kingdom was a simple one–lots of asphalt and concrete, and here was an abundance of gazebos and hot tubs and food vendors crowding the market square. Simple townsfolk roamed to and fro, going about their business without hardship, thanks, of course, to His Grace’s protection.

Here is a short photographic tour of His kingdom.

The Treehouse Lord’s Collection of Smaller Trees

Our Lord Peter Nelson is a demigod of arborage, building luxurious manors in the canopies of towering trees so that He may live as close to the heavens as possible. But, in His benevolence, He loves all trees equally. Here we see His collection of miniature trees. Interestingly, these trees were isolated from the rest of the realm, so perhaps His Leafiness is not as gracious as one might think. Perhaps these tiny trees are kept as a lesson in humility, that all trees are not created equally.

The Fabled More Exhibits

Tales of The More Exhibits stretch far a wide across the realm of our King of Photosynthesis, but very few have actually been afforded entrance. There are legends and speculation about what waits inside the darkness. Treehouse plans? Captured enemies? More small trees? I was not about to risk His wrath, so I steered clear.

The Tiny House Village

Here we see the living accommodations provided to subjects of Peter Nelson, God of Timber. In His omniscience, He has ensured that each citizen of the realm has a roof over their head, even if it is dangerously low. The quarters afforded each resident are grossly undersized, and in some cases unfinished, but they are better than nothing.

As you can see in the photograph on the left, there are many people to a house. Oftentimes, residents of the Tiny House Village must line up in order to enter their homes. When asked about the living conditions, one villager looked around and hastily answered “He provides and takes away. I am grateful. I must be.”

 

I had never been in a Tiny House Village before, and I must say that it left a lot to be desired. I also noticed that He With Deep Roots has an odd affinity for smaller versions of big things. Tiny trees? Tiny House Village? Perhaps The More Exhibits also contains a tiny version of something large. I like to think there were tiny boulders, or tiny airplanes.

Here we see a gazebo of some kind. This was right near the center of The Tiny House Village. The purpose of this structure is unknown to me. I gleaned that it is ritualistic in nature. Perhaps tiny villagers get married here? Or maybe they perform sacrifices in His name, a ritual to feed the roots of the trees that he then builds treehouses in. There they stand, monuments to the the fleeting nature of human life, fed by the lifeblood of admiring subjects who live under the constant fear that they might be next. Is their loyalty true? Or do they long to escape the shadow of the Barklord?

The Venerable Treehouse Lord Addresses His Subjects

Like a groundhog, the Demigod of Foliage rarely emerges from His home. Here we see Him in a rareĀ venture down from His treetop castle. The matter must have been pressing for Him to grace the Tiny House Village with His presence. I found out later that the matter was not pressing in the least. He just talked about His television program.

Conclusion

My trip to the land of The King of Oak and Pine was fruitful and fascinating. It was fun to learn about a new culture and observe The Great Arborist bequeathing His wisdom upon His loyal followers. I plan on planting a tree in His honor. Perhaps one day He will offer his thanks, or even build His next palace in its branches.

Thank you Peter Nelson, our Venerable Treehouse Lord.

 

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